Cow Bashing AKA You Dirty Fat Bastard

     Okay well first I have an update blog in the works but I read an article today that turned my stomach ill and some of the comments following the article were just as vile. Here is a snippet from the article 

"No two situations are the same. If you are fat and nasty and you don’t like the way you look, do something about it. It’s simple.

When you take a shower and you put your fat, nasty body in the shower and by the time you get out, the mirrors are all steamed up so you don’t look at what you did to yourself. That may sound offensive or insensitive but ultimately, you are big as hell because you have earned that shit. You worked your ass off to eat everything in sight to get big as hell.

If you got a problem with the way you look, then you need to do something about it. Excuses sound best to the people that’s making them up." - Tyrese (yes the same Tyrese from the Fast and the Furious franchise)

http://hellogiggles.com/an-open-letter-to-tyrese-from-a-fat-girl-fan (check the article out here and as always mad props to the hello giggles team them ladies are awesome)

Well first I am going to start with the first sentence; if not for the phrase "fat and nasty" it rings a very true message if you don't like how you look do something about it, however I also disagree with the" it's simple" statement because while yes the thought of okay I don't like it I'm going to change myself is simple its not just that simple to make changes, how about we rephrase that to say it's simple to start, because it's not simple to do. Also he then goes on about putting your fat nasty body in the shower and you worked your off ass to eat everything in sight. WOW, ignorant much, no sir not everyone who is overweight worked their asses off to get fat and regardless how they got there losing weight isn't as easy as gaining. Now first I get that the overall message he was trying to portray was a positive one because I believe to sum it up he is simply saying that you do yourself no favors making excuses for the way you look if you don't like it do something about it. Now see isn't that a much nicer approach then say calling every one fat and nasty and excusing them of eating their way into obesity

 

   Now this brings me to an important message. STOP FAT BASHING, I get it  some of you just think fat people are gross and that is your right but you start infringing on other peoples right to a peaceful existence when you start throwing stones and shaming people because of their weight. Your also more than likely a contributing factor to the "obesity epidemic". How are you a factor you ask , well simple some people are fat due to over eating because they eat for comfort and when you shame them and make them feel so low they go home and eat until they feel better, so yeah its your fault they are fat how about that. No I'm not seriously blaming you, but seriously when you fat bash you aren't helping the problem. However,it is important to remember that the root of someones weight gain may not be as simple as overeating in fact there are other possible causes : Medical causes of obesity can include:

• Hypothyroidism. This is a condition where the thyroid gland, located in the neck, produces too little thyroid hormone. Thyroid hormone regulates our metabolism. So too little hormone slows the metabolism and often causes weight gain. If your doctor suspects thyroid disease as a cause of your obesity, he or she may perform blood tests to check your hormone levels.

• Cushing's syndrome. This condition results when the adrenal glands (located on top of each kidney) produce an excess amount of a steroid hormone called cortisol. This leads to a build-up of fat in characteristic sites such as the face, upper back, and abdomen.

• Depression. Some people with depression overeat, which can lead to obesity.

There are also certain inherited conditions and other diseases of the brain that can cause excess weight gain.

Certain medications, notably steroids, some antidepressants, high blood pressure drugs, and seizure medications can also cause increased body weight.

A doctor can determine if any of these conditions or treatments are responsible for your obesity.

http://www.webmd.com/diet/medical-reasons-obesity     

There you have it not everyone is fat because of overeating there are several possible other options. For me I was doing good maintaining my weight and losing weight then I came off Yasmin and put on over 50lbs in 2 months the thing is my diet and exercise hadn't changed I was still eating good and working out. So please tell me again how I at myself fat. In fact I count my calories now and I hardly ever eat 2000 and I struggle to eat 1200and I workout everyday . I eat through out the day, small things like Greek yogurt and jello for snacks, slim fast if I'm just really needing something sweet(i don't like sweets and slim fast is perfect for me) I eat salads for lunch most days, on occasion I eat something else I am human and get tired of the same ole thing, my dinners usually consists of 1 meat and 2 vegetables so please explain to me again how I ate myself into obesity. I eat proper portion sizes i.e if 1 cup =130 calories I eat 1 cup etc. So it kills me when I see people say oh its just as simple as eating right and exercising because to that I say HA, I have been exercising and eating right and while I am starting to tone up and lose weight its a slow process(REALLY EFFING SLOW) with lots of plateaus and changes, see why people give up there is little reward at first and you get really frustrated. Also, it isn't as simple as getting up and saying okay today I will be thin because it doesn't work like that. Which  brings me to my next point, here I go busting my ass all day everyday trying to make sure I eat right , I exercise right, that I am doing something about it but then you run into the Tyrese's of the world and there are a lot of them and while they don't know my struggles , they don't know I am doing something about they are quick to judge and assume I am fat therefore I am lazy and I ate myself into this condition.THANKS FOR THE MOTIVATION JACK ASSES . People I am not saying its your job to say kind words and be encouraging, if you don't like fat people your entitled to your opinion, but what I am saying is that if you don't think its your job to be motivational then it sure as hell isn't your job to be judgmental and condemn someone for their weight either. Point blank if your not going to be motivational then shut your mouth, I see people posting pics of a fat girl at the beach wearing her bathing suit and making comments like ewwwwww thats nasty - really she is at the beach what would you have her wear a mumu ,not go swimming(good exercise btw) not be comfortable just because you think she is ugly.Even better I have seen videos were a big girl is on a treadmill, running or some other exercise when she trips, flips, falls and goes down and people start going off on her weight saying things like " haha fatty broke the bar","maybe if she wasn't fat she wouldn't have fell", and my personal favorite"eww maybe she should kill herself". WOW people are you really so flawless that you think its okay to insult someone like that and here we go back to my point ,what I see when I see those videos is a person attempting to do something about their weight, they were after all working out when the incident happened, but instead of people just laughing at a fall they start in on her weight and I'm sorry but did you miss the part of the video where at least she is doing something about her weight. Obviously they did  because all they saw was a fat girl and felt a need to start in on her and call her lazy,ugly, and etc.

  So I will conclude my angry rant with this , " If your not a doctor you have no business talking about someone else's weight , if you don't like it don't look and just keep walking , keeping your mouth shut." You never know if its a medical reason they are overweight, if it is over eating , and most importantly you don't know if they are trying to better themselves or not so just SHUT YOUR EFFING PIE HOLE. 

p.s This means skinny bashing as well , granted I personally would rather have skinny girl problems vs fat girl problems, its still the same concept you never know a persons struggles and what they are doing(if anything) to "fix" what you feel is a problem. Also just because you see a problem doesn't mean they do or that the problem is with them. A lot of times we see problems in others because we are afraid of our own reflection in the mirror. 

p.s.s -- CANT WE ALL JUST LOVE AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

  

not cows but its the main message lol . Try to forget all the people with the ill words and try to just remember that how you see yourself matters the most. "Haters gunna hate-yo". LMAO

all pictures obtained from google I do not own the rights I borrowed from google and they just fit i do not claim the pictures as my own creations.

The Past .....................

   I think that it is time that I have done enough skirting around my past and really lay it out there. I went through a lot and while I have chosen to use those things and grow into a better person and while I use that experience to make myself a better person today I think that it is time to really share the whole story or at least most of it anyway in an attempt to get out a story that hopefully will allow others to see you are not alone and there are others who have been there. So here we go.

  

   Once upon a time 11.5 years ago I was a newly 18 year college freshmen. I was all about the party and having fun and I met a guy who I had tons of fun with, however I couldn't get him to commit so after 4 months I moved on (not completely I will get to that). In truth what started as moving on was really just an attempt to make the other jealous and while it worked it didn't work as well as I planned. I moved out of my parents house and into an apartment with the "new" guy and a friend and that is when my whole world began to change. The new guy and I fought all the time even in the new stages of this relationship and I kept finding myself leaning on the "old" guy but at this point nothing happened, well nothing too bad, until one night we split up and I went to the "old" guy and we had  one more night of crazy fun. Then when I returned home the new guy was there with apologies and such and I took him back and 3 days later I took a pregnancy test which came back positive. I thanked goodness for choosing to test when I did as only one could be the father and I decided I had to put the past behind me, it was hard the past knew my weakness's and had me wrapped around a finger but I did it for the greater good the child growing inside me. So me and the new guy began our life together or so I thought when a misunderstanding happened between us and other roommates and a fight erupted the "new" guy went to jail and I was left alone in an apartment scared and pregnant so I went to the "old" guy and he gave me a shoulder to a cry on and ear to talk to but soon I got a call and got the new guy out of jail and we moved on with our lives and into a new apt. A few months passed when I told him of the night we split and that I had went back to the old guy that night and what happened, I told him I was sorry but we had broken up and I was angry and I went back to what felt good at the time. He was angry but he admitted he went back to his ex and we made up. 

*LETS GET PHYSICAL*

    The first time he hit me I believed it was an accident now I don't think so, supposedly he was asleep and punched me in the jaw he claimed he had no idea and that he was dreaming and I let it go because I know people do crazy things in their sleep. However, arguments and such continued on and things went from bad to worse quick. One night he came in the house angry I can't remember about what but I was about 5 months huge(I mean pregnant lol) and we started to fight he picked up a drink and through it all over me and then walked out the door. I remember sitting on the couch crying trying to figure out what I had done that was so bad and then went and sat in the bathtub fully clothed crying trying to figure out what happened. Well he came home all apologies and I figured well it was just a drink,right? Wrong, fast forward two months and we had yet another fight this time though he decided to hit me and I mean really hit me in the back because I turned around to protect my pregnant belly, it was so bad that the next day I could barely raise my arm and the bruise covered my left side of  my back. On cue he apologized and I accepted because I was so confused and scared and unsure of what all just happened how could a person stand before me tell me they love me then beat me so brutally while I carried their unborn child inside me. Things carried on but never got that bad again while I was pregnant ,so I thought things were better, but the arguing never stopped it was so out of hand that when I was upset about something at the hospital I was told I was an embarrassment and needed to shut up or he would leave me there. I sat quietly the whole time and I tried convincing myself that I just needed to make things work; I had a baby, I was only 19, a boy needs his father, and that I should make things work. * Side note this is not the same person you met in the beginning that girl well that girl would have whipped his ass and this girl typing she would now but when your in a situation where you are so scared and confused its easy to forget what your supposed to do and try to remember what you should do *  We got home and things seemed to be a little better but soon they just got worse he couldn't keep a job and he wouldn't help with the baby and I was suffering depression and I felt alone. However, the arguments kept up and the abuse as well . 

*LETS GET PHYSICAL:AGAIN*

    It was my first mothers day when I got the best present ever, a busted lip, my neighbor came over because I was hitting the wall and he had to own up to what happened, first time. After that he got smarter and the abuse went to only hitting me in the head and upper arms places that no one would see really(it was a regular thing). I finally talked to someone about things and they offered to help pack me up and get me out of there and move me back to moms but I swore I could handle things . I said that because I was scared it would make things worse somehow and I didn't want other people fighting my battle. Things continued to get worse our little baby walked right out the front door while he sat on the couch because he said I was supposed to be watching him while I showered because it was my job, he raped me because I didn't want to touch him anymore. 

* ALMOST THE FINAL STRAW*

    Things really broke out when a phone call came in and he swore it was the "old"guy because they said they had the wrong number I assured him that it was a wrong number but he said I was lying , I was wrong and I told him I had enough . I then proceeded to pack a bag for me and  my son and tried to leave when he threw me through a wall, my arm was black, my back was sore and I managed to leave and went to my moms, where the next day we went to see a detective. He spent a few nights in jail and his mom called me and told me that you don't put people you love in jail.* side not but apparently you beat the shit out of them*  I was working and doing things alone for a bit but he wrote me this long letter about how he was a horrible person and begged me to take him back and I tried to say no but I was alone and I had a baby wanting to know where daddy is so I gave him another chance*side note i'm intelligent but i was moron then* Things just kept getting worse I developed vasculitis and had to quit my job and he continued to hit me.I started having an affair with a married man not because it was right but because it was nice to finally have someone want me and not tell me how worthless I was. Finally he had to do weekends in jail, managed to find a job and I started college again. He would get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, and then go away on weekends so it was peaceful. 

*THE FINAL STRAW*

    The affair continued but when he did start a fight again I was pushed to my edge and one night found myself sitting on a kitchen floor with a knife to my wrist thinking that if I killed myself at least then he wouldn't be able to kill me. Than I thought I couldn't do that to my child and I walked into the bed room and stood above him with the knife in my hand contemplating how I would kill him without waking him, then I saw this sweet baby face laying in the bed and realized I couldn't do that to my son. That's when my intelligence kicked in and I decided to devise a plan ,I was going to transfer colleges and move into a family dorm without telling him, I was done. However, after his weekends in jail ended he decided he needed to go to a friends house every weekend and when I went to pick him up one week I caught him with another woman and I kept the apartment /

*THAT'S REALLY THE END?*

   No not the end yet, but other than in court for child support 9 months later I haven't seen him now in almost 9 yrs. I am now happily married with two boys and I receive child support because the government takes it straight out of his checks. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder and I am now overweight but I am working on those things and all the other mental problems that were left behind the external scars healed the bruises gone but whats inside is still there those never go away. However, I have now lost 20 pounds haven't needed an antidepressant in 4 years and I have an associates degree and bachelors degree and start a masters in psychology program in August now. I have been through even more now, I have had fertility issues miscarried at 14 weeks and then had my son at 29 weeks, my husbands plant shut down, we moved to a different state, and my father died of cancer. However, despite all of this and pain that still survives from the past I find that I now can stand on my own two feet a lot easier and I know that it wasn't stupidity that kept me in that situation (yes I called myself a moron and I say I was stupid) but it was fear I was scared for my life and my sons life and I was scared of the unknown but what I learned now is this: your past can be a road straight through hell and dwelling on it is easy I still struggle with nights and days where I just want to understand it better and I just want to know why but I tell myself this "things were not my fault, I deserve better, I have better now and that my past will not define me it will teach me." I now see myself as a better person and I do have setbacks I am human but I will not let this past decide my future.

*THE MORAL*   

    So with all that I tell you my story not because I want sympathy but because you never know what a person has gone through , is going through, or has been through and also someone may read this and think well shit if she can do it so can I.Also, I was so ashamed of all that happened in that time and all I did and now I realize not every decision I made then was smart or right but it is in the past and nothing I should be ashamed of I am not that person anymore. We are so quick to judge a person before we really know them and we need to stop and take a second to consider the what if's. Domestic violence is not fun and we all have a "game plan" and we all say "well if it was me I'd ........." but the truth is until your there and until it is you , you have no idea what you would do and no idea what a person goes through. It doesn't make a person stupid for staying or even going back its not their intelligence that is called into question, an abuser doesn't count on intelligence he counts on weakness and fear. So I encourage you to not judge someone until you know and do not let your past define you. Learn from your mistakes and learn from your past and allow yourself to become the best you that you can be, the road isn't smooth and there will be u-turns , forks, and construction but if you just keep your eyes on your destination you will get there and never be ashamed of where you have been be proud you were able to move on. 

Good Moms Don't ?

 

    So your a mom now and everywhere you look you will find people full of advice. There are books on what you shouldn't do and books on what you should and what one person says is bad another will tell you its good. (kinda like dieting) So today as I was reading through my facebook feed someone shared an article on  not yelling at your kids and what this mom learned by not yelling.

 Now reading through the article I personally found the mother to have made several valid points and at one point she even called herself a Rhino, which was hilarious, I loved it and will post the link at the bottom. Now what set me off though was one of her viewers comments, they applauded her for ending her behavior because if she really got that mad and out of control she was abusing her kids. SERIOUSLY, are you kidding me people?, this is a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. While I will go ahead and state that YES you can abuse your children verbally as well as physically the simple act of getting angry, shaking(meaning you start shaking), turning red, and shouting at the top of your lungs to GO TO YOUR ROOMS NOW! is not abuse, screaming ,yelling, and shouting to knock it off, leave your sibling alone, keep your hands to yourself, and etc are not ABUSE (at least not in my opinion). Now abuse would be " Get over here now you low life , little abortion I should have had, " that would start to constitute as abuse and would warrant an OKAY mom knock it off. 

So this all brings me to my point , the biggest fight of them all , what do good  moms do ? Well boys and girls  good moms love their children, good moms care, and good moms do whats best for their children(Thats specific there, I literally mean their individual children). As a child from the "get a belt" era I can assure you getting my ass spanked didn't make me a criminal, however getting my rear tanned got a point through my head that you don't do that again mmmmmmmmmmmkay.  Now some parents don't believe in spanking and thats fine by me but whether you do or don't unless you have a degree and a ton of research to support your theory don't go around telling people that they are wrong for the way they raise their kids. So this all brings me to my list of what good mom's don't do.

                                                     GOOD MOMS DON'T......

1. Let others beliefs overthrow her own beliefs on what is right for her children

  Short list ? Well its simple, isn't it and goes back to my main point as a mother you do what is best for your children and don't let others tell you that you are wrong. There are a million blogs out there talking about what changes a person has made and how it has affected their children and life and it is just fine to browse through those things in an attempt to get ideas, better yourself, or make a better life for your family in general. Asking, googling, searching, or whatever else is needed is nothing to be ashamed of and I don't claim to be a perfect mother by any means, I have faults but it just really gets to me when I see someone saying that yelling at your children is abuse or spanking is abuse or even not doing so is abuse. I mean at what point is enough , enough . People have complaints about everything, they get mad if your kid is acting a fool but then claim its abuse when you discipline the child . Therefore, moms/parents discipline how you feel is appropriate for your child because only you know what will work for them and if you need help ask, just don't let those who "know it all" influence how you raise your children because they have made your afraid. Lets all do society a favor and stay out of our neighbors houses and let them raise their children as they see fit. (disclaimer: I'm not saying allow children to be actually abused I'm just saying if you see a parent swat a kid on the rear whether you agree or not walk away and shut your mouth)

The article I was talking about above, I enjoyed it and thought the author made some excellent points .... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-orange-rhino/10-things-i-learned-when-i-stopped-yelling_b_2886161.html